Sandy Raccoons
by blacktears whiteeyes
Summary: Basically, Gaara needs some friends, he's befriending raccoons that are living in his house and Temari's annoyed. They visit Konaha while they're apartment gets cleaned and Temari tries to find Gaara human friends.
1. Chapter 1

**Ok. This is my first story. I'm not sure how people will like it or if it's even funny. It's in Temari's POV but may change later on. I hope you enjoy it. It'll become a Gaara story later on. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If you do and would like to give the rights to me that's fine. I'll be happy to take it off your hands.**

* * *

Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. SAND!  
"I'M TIRED OF ALL THIS DAMN SAND! IT'S ALL OVER THE HOUSE!  
Gaara! Kankurou! Get out here!" 

"What? What?" Kankurou came out and said with a tired look on his face.

"Where's Gaara? He should be here and listen to this. It's his fault."

"It's WHOSE fault?"

"H-huh?" I turned around slowly to see Gaara sliding out from one of the many piles of sand on the ground. "Oh. Gaara. You're here. Look at this place! It's COVERED in sand."

"What's the problem?"

"Look. Look at that over there. What does that look like?"

"Ooo. Ooo. I know! A pile of sand right?" Kankurou answered while jumping up and down waving his hand in the air like a child.

"Very good Kankurou. It's a pile of sand. But take a closer look. What do you see?"

"Hmmm. Raccoons?"

"Right again Kankurou. You see that Gaara? All this sand is attracting animals. Raccoons of all things."

"Yes. But they're my friends. They live in this pile and the two in your room."

"T-t-the two in my room! You mean I've been sleeping in a room with filthy raccoons!"

"They're not filthy Temari, they're my friends."

"Well. I hope they don't have names. Because they're sure as hell not staying here."

"Nooo Temari. I'll k-"

"Yea. Yea. I know. I know. I've heard it all before. You'll kill me if I don't let them stay. I've heard it all before. And frankly, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of sleeping with one eye open and stuttering whenever you're around. And so is Kankurou. Right Kankurou?"

"Um..."

"Right Kankurou?"

"Well... you see..."

Pulling out my fan I smack it against my hand, deepen my voice(it creeps Kankurou out), lower my head and say, "Right Kankurou?"

With a loud gulp, Kankurou manages a"R-right Temari-san. You're right. As usual. And also beautiful, and smart, and funny, and did I mention the guys love you?"

"Aaah. Stop Kankurou. You're making me blush."

"It's all true. Well, I'm assuming it is, you wrote it after all."

"Ahaha. Wrote it all for you? I don't know what you mean. You're only saying that because you're shy. I can understand that. But guys love me? I suppose that's right."

"Yea. You know, I've even seen some girls drooling over you."

"Ok Kankurou. That's enough"

"I mean they look at you with stars in their eyes. And I hear them say things like 'that Temari, she's so pretty' and 'I've heard she's single, maybe I'll go after her' and even 'I heard her legs are so smooth, like soft, vanilla pudding...'"

"Kan-ku-roooooouuuu! That's enough"  
"Soft, vanilla pudding?" Gaara rambled.

"No Temari. I didn't, I don't, "  
"Soft, vanilla pudding?" Gaara continued. Then wandered to one of the bigger stacks of sand which probably was where the fridge was. I wouldn't know. From what I've heard, I'm a bad cook. I don't understand why. The blackened chicken we had last night and the char broiled steak the night before that was delicious.

"Kankurouuuuu. Have you seen sound village? I heard its beautiful this time of year."

"No Temari. Noooooooo..." I took my fan and swung it sending Kankurou and piles of sand through the kitchen wall.

"Aaaaaaaah..."

"Well Gaara, job well done." I looked over to Gaara with a smile and saw him go pale(well, paler than usual which is really impossible) and drop the bowl of vanilla pudding to the ground.

"What's wrong?"

"What have you done?"

* * *

**A/N: And now I will leave you with a cliffhanger because I'm like that. If you like the story or don't or have suggestions please tell me. I'm happy to hear them.**


	2. The Twitch!

Chapter 2: The Twitch!

Me: It's not stealing if I put in that last time thing like on the show right? Right?

Naruto: Sure its not.

Me: Are you being sarcastic?

Naruto: No no no. Yes.

Me: Wow. You're so modest.

Naruto: Well, when one wants to be a Hokage, they have to learn to tell it like it is.

Me: Yea. I'm sure. Did you know that your not in the story yet?

Naruto: Err well, when one wants to be a Hokage, they ha-

Me: Yea yea. I know. I heard. Enjoy the chapter.

* * *

Previously on Sandy Raccoons: 

"Well Gaara, job well done." I looked over to Gaara with a smile and saw him go pale(well, paler than usual which is really impossible) and drop the bowl of vanilla pudding to the ground.

"What's wrong?"

"What have you done"

And now, the continuation of Sandy Raccoons.

"What? What have I done? Gaara? What's wrong?" I stared at Gaara with a shocked and slightly sad look in his eyes and non-existent eyebrows. He then pushed past me and ran to the new door in the apartment. He screamed, "Nooooo! Naruto! Lee! Neji! TENTEN!"

"TenTen? You named them?" Walking towards the door I stared down three stories to see four raccoons laying on their backs with their tiny legs twitching and then they were buried. Gaara cried as he watched the many piles of sand drop onto their little dead bodies with a loud and obnoxious thud. I moved over to Gaara and placed a hand on his shoulder, not wanting to look in his eyes.

"Gaara. If I knew they were so important to you, I wouldn't have blew them threw the house. I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do..."  
Gaara sniffled a bit and wiped away his tears before answering.

"Y-yes. There is."

"What?"

"Take care of their babies." When I heard that, I lost all my sympathy and I could feel the color pour out of my face and feel my left eye twitch. That damned twitch. I hope its not noticeable.

"WHAAAAAAAT!" I turned Gaara around, this time not caring about his feelings. Dammit. This twitch again! "YOU LET THEM BREED? IN THIS HOUSE? IN MY ROOM?"

"Uh?"

"WHAT? YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY?" my eye began to twitch uncontrollably now.

"Um?"

"Hm? What's wrong?" I was starting to get worried because Gaara had this frightened look on his face. Then, the weirdest thing happened.

"Bfft. Ha. Ha. Haha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ahahahaha. What's... What's... I can't even say it. Ahahahahahahahaha." Gaara was starting to creep me out, his eyes were rolled to the top of his head and he fell to the floor. Oh no! Is it, it couldn't be? The twitch? I went running to the bathroom mirror to see the most horrible, gruesome sight! It was that damned twitch. It was worse than ever before. My eye was practically closed but twitching at a fast pace. Pulling out my fan, I make quick hand signs and unleash my new jutsu onto Gaara, blowing out the bathroom, half of Gaara's bedroom and Gaara himself. He flew threw the air with tears of laughter.

Tears welled up in my eyes and I screamed out of the hole, "Tell anyone about this and I'll kill you! AND those raccoon babies! Then, I'll force feed them to you. How would you like that?"

* * *

A/N: Well. I don't know what happened to this chapter. It wasn't funny and was also un-eventful. I promise the next chapter will be better. I think the problem was I was forcing the ideas out. I'm sorry. Please review. 

I'm also working on a romantic comedy between Sasori and Deidara! Chapter 1 is up! Check that out too!


End file.
